Addiction is a chronic disease that can negatively affect a person’s life and health. What many people don’t know is that addiction is a family disease. It doesn’t just make the sufferer sick, it also harms their loved ones, colleagues, and acquaintances. One of the casualties of a battle with addiction is the trail of damaged relationships it leaves in its wake. With the right kind of help, repairing relationships after addiction is possible.

When one person in the family develops a substance abuse issue, it doesn’t solely affect them. No matter their drug of choice, their addiction is a family disease, causing stress to the people living in the family home and those closest to the addict.

Addiction is, unfortunately, all too common today. Families dealing with a loved one struggling with this chronic disease may feel like they are on their own, but these statistics may help put the issue into a different perspective:

• According to the American Society of Addiction Medicine, about 21.5 million Americans age 12 and older have a substance abuse disorder.
• Of this number, about 1.9 million people developed an addiction to prescription pain medicines, and 586,000 had an addiction to heroin.
• Approximately 23 percent of those people who use heroin develop an addiction to opioids (the class of pain medications that includes morphine, fentanyl, hydrocodone, codeine, and oxycodone).
• In 2013, the number of Americans either dependent on alcohol or with problems related to alcohol use was 17.3 million, according to the National Survey on Drug Use and Health.

The key to healing from addiction and rebuilding trust after the addict in your family has hurt all of you, let you down, disappointed you, and caused chaos more times than you can count is a drug and alcohol treatment program. Professional help is needed for people struggling with drug addiction to learn how to live a sober lifestyle and learn how to live without their drug of choice.

Part of this process is helping addicts come to terms with the fact that their lives don’t immediately become better once they stop using chemicals. Clients in recovery must take responsibility for and deal with the aftermath of events that occurred while they were still using drugs or alcohol. It was not their choice to use while they were in the cycle of addiction, but the harm caused to relationships with intimate partners, family members, and close friends still needs to be dealt with. While in a drug and alcohol treatment center, the staff and counselors can help clients using several different techniques.

Rebuilding Trust Will Take Time

After a pattern where trust has been betrayed repeatedly, rebuilding it will be a lengthy process. Someone who is living with an addiction will always put feeding their disease first. To ensure that they keep a steady supply of their drug of choice, they are prepared to lie, cheat and steal if it means they can get their next fix or drink. This pattern is also used to hide the addiction (or its extent) from others to keep it going.

Parents

Parents and grandparents are usually a person’s first source of physical, emotional, and financial support. From the time we are born, we learn to lean on our parents. If we have a good relationship with them, they are the people we know we can turn to during difficult times, and they will always have our back.

This urge to help means that parents may feel angry, hurt, and betrayed by an adult child living with a substance abuse issue. If parents have provided financial or practical support, only to realize they‘ve been helping to feed the addiction, they may feel foolish or that they had a hand in keeping their child sick, even though that was not their intention. Their adult child may still lie and steal from them despite the help that the parents have provided since they’re compelled to feed their addiction.

Be Patient

It will take time for your family and friends to learn to trust you again. They may not be able to visualize how a relatively short time spent at a treatment program for substance abuse would be able to make a change when the tactics they have been trying (sometimes for several years) have not been effective. Trust will develop over time as you and your family and friends navigate situations where you can deal with them honestly and directly.

If you have a loved one who is living with an addiction and you want to repair the broken relationship, here are some suggestions to keep in mind:

Try to Separate the Disease From the Person

You wouldn’t blame a loved one if they got any other chronic, relapsing illness. Addiction is a disease that affects the way a person thinks and reasons. Once it takes hold, satisfying the urge to use or to drink comes first, and people will do anything to get their drug of choice. Addiction has no logic, morals, or reason; it only wants what it wants. It is not a moral failing or lack of willpower – it is a progressive, fatal disease.

Put a Stop-Loss Order on Past Events

At a certain point, decide that you will have to stop making your loved one pay for the events that occurred in the past. Neither one of you can go back and change them, nor does holding them over their head do anything for your current relationship. Accept what happened, and if you have received an apology and a sincere offer to make amends, decide to close the door on the issue forever. Never bring it up again, no matter how hurt or upset you become later. It needs to remain resolved.

Start Living in the Here and Now

Deal with current issues as they come up. Allow yourself to get angry, frustrated, or whatever. Have all the human emotions you usually have. Your loved one who is in recovery is not a fragile human being. Do express good feelings, too. When issues arise, deal with them promptly and then move on.

Don’t let things pile up in your relationship until you’re ready to explode. It’s not healthy for either person. If you’re going to fight, make sure that you fight fair. Don’t mention that your loved one has a particular point of view because they are an addict or in recovery. Going for help is positive and should never be used against someone to tear them down.