Deja Vue, here we go again. Jail time, again. I don’t think he’ll ever learn. I believe he’s always going to fall back to his old habits when times get tough. He knows his triggers, he knows the resources available but yet he seems to just want the easy way. The easy way doesn’t get you where you need to go. When you get to a bad place it is important for you to have someone or something to pull you back.

We tried to pull him back, his fiance tried, his kids cried without him but none of that mattered. He was arrested for taking money for a job and then not doing the job. He was trying to gamble (the easy way) to replace the money and just kept getting deeper and deeper in the hole. We begged him to stop, he even signed the 5 year do not gamble list. The casino’s still allowed him to continue to gamble. He was arrested on the casino floor.

I have not gone to visit him. I am just too upset and angry. He had it all, literally all and he threw it away. He believes that he can do everything on his own with no support of meetings or sponsors. His family has lost their home, the business he built is probably not salvageable, and his family is homeless in 2 weeks.

In previous posts I wrote about visiting him and I went every week. I wrote to him every week or more often. This time I haven’t done any of that. He was arrested on June 1 and it’s now June 20th. He has called his father to talk about trying to save his business and to beg for money on his books. He has his jumpsuit to wear and nothing else. He isn’t getting any extra food or snacks. This is the situation he created and he is going to have to live with it.

http://www.walkingthruthedark.com/2020/02/03/jail-visits/

My advice is whatever you do—visit him, write him or not—do it because it will help you, not him. That is my thought today when I make decisions about my son.

He is in jail right now—6th time (by my best count). If I get the fleeting thought or urge to visit him, I’m going to wait a while and see if it is really something I want to do. The last two times I had visited him every week. I had written letters or postcards. This time he has been in for 20 days and I haven’t written even one postcard or letter.

If you pay a big price when you visit—before, during and after—I would consider not visiting. That is how I am feeling right now. I just don’t want to deal with the drama and the promises.

If it will bring you peace to visit, then visit. But there is no wrong decision here. If I visit, and it does not go well, I can decide not to visit again. So I’ll see how I feel.

I can write, but I never get letters back so maybe it’s not worth that effort if it only breaks my heart further

I can make the choice that is best for me. That choice right now is to help his family the best that I can. His 4 children need to know that they are loved. They need to be fed and clothed. They are the innocent victims of his choices. I am angry.