The ups and downs can be dramatic. There are days he’s doing great, even weeks and months and then it’s downhill, usually because of finances. As far as I know he hasn’t relapsed with narcotics but he’s under so much stress to make enough money that I’m scared. Scared that he will use just to get through a day or because it’s his “go to” on a bad day and our entire world will come tumbling down again. This feeling never goes away. It will always be life on the edge, one day at a time for all of us.

So I continue to hope and pray for my son, for his family and for our family as a whole. I continue to help when I can and set boundaries when I can’t.

Recently he hasn’t had as many jobs. He works for himself, has his own business and it has been really slow. Slow enough that he doesn’t have money for gas or food. Here is the tricky part…. if it was only him I wouldn’t do anything but it’s his 4 children and his fiance. How can I allow my grandchildren to go hungry? So am I enabling him? My daughters would tell me yes, but in my mind no. I can see their point, if he knows that I will bail him out it will always end up being my responsibility. If I give him money for gas am I enabling him? He does pay me back so again in my mind the answer is no. If he just took it and didn’t feel that he needed to pay us back that would be a different story. We’ve all borrowed a few bucks and then re payed them.

So if I look at this graphic I see that I do Not routinely do things for him that he can do for himself. I absolutely no longer make excuses or lie about what he has done. I no longer put his needs above my own. I know for sure he hasn’t had a hard life until he choose to not seek help for his disease. But I do feel guilty if I don’t help the children and I do worry. Worry? I don’t know how a parent wouldn’t worry. I do worry but would I bail him out if he got into trouble? Nope, not going to happen. Been there and done that.

The one thing on this graphic, do you feel resentment, well I kind of do. I feel like I work every day and his Dad is on disability and why should I have to worry about you having food for your kids? Is that bad? I think it’s normal. I get angry but I will get them food anyway. It will not be steaks and lobster but more affordable items although in today’s economic climate none of it is affordable.

I feel after all this time that there are things that I have learned as well as boundaries I have set. The boundaries have to be something I can live with. I think everyone is different in that regard. We each have our own limits, our own lines in the sand and that is ok. This is personal, it is how we live, there is no set of rules that cover everyone. We each need to decide what our line in the sand is because we are the only one living with the consequences.

So my question to all of you is, what would you do? Would you allow your grandchildren suffer for the choices their parent has made or do you step in and provide the essentials? What is you opinion?

http://www.walkingthruthedark.com/2019/10/02/do-not-judge-me/

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