As time moves on life gets in the way of our best intentions. This past year has been a blur. We have all struggled through COVID19 and the impact it has had in our lives. We have watched those we love get sick, possibly die and restrictions on our lives to help stop the spread. Has it worked? Has wearing a mask everyday helped? Are we protecting our loved ones who are in danger of serious complications if they develop COVID19? How is our mental health? What are you feeling by being on lock down?

I spent most of this past year with a full house. My son’s family moved in with us in January. At that time it was his fiance and his 4 children since he was incarcerated. The children are 10, 4, 2 and 1 now. It was a challenge but we did what we needed to do. They were being evicted from their apartment. Then COVID hit and things got a little different. The county jails started releasing prisoners and my son was one of them. He came home on April 10, 2020, just in time for Easter.

When he came home it was the first time he was able to hold his youngest who had been born in October after he was arrested. She was just 5 months old.  The 1 1/2 year old was very hesitant but warmed up after a few weeks. The 2 older ones went crazy seeing him.

They had decided when he had been arrested that the kids would be told he was away working. I really didn’t like deceiving them but I avoided the subject. It was their choice as parents. If I had been directly asked I would have told them where he was. The oldest one I’m sure knew. After all how could he be away working and they didn’t have a house to live in, not have him home for Thanksgiving or Christmas, none of it would have made sense to me at 9 years old. I still believe it is a slippery slope that they are navigating.

So again we provided Christmas gifts, stocking stuffers, Easter baskets, Birthday Parties, clothes and a safe place for them to live. All this was done because of the children, our grandchildren, it was not done for the adults. It is a hard situation to be in when children are involved. They are innocent and shouldn’t have to face the consequences of their parents actions. Sadly though they do. As grandparents we try our best to soften those consequences a little bit. Lots of hugs and snuggles and helping however we are able. What else can we do? We only pray that my son and his fiance can continue to take care of their children. We will always step up for the children no matter how hard it is for us. We know we will have the support of our daughters who already do many things to help.

In August we told my son and family that they needed to have a place to live by October 31st, which didn’t happen. We then said they would need to pay $200 a week, by Thanksgiving they had given us $100. We told them that we wanted them out by December 1st. They moved to my daughter in laws mother’s home on December 4th. We needed this boundary set. I felt like we were being taken advantage of. Our bills had increased without any help from them. My son was working but wasn’t contributing to our costs incurred by them living with us. My husband and I were falling further and further into debt. The excuse was always that he was saving for their own place. That’s all great except when our water bill triples and our electric bill doubles, not to mention diapers, wipes, socks, clothes. Because honestly it was just easier and quicker for us to get things then to wait for them to get around to getting them. Amazon, sadly, was my best friend. When we could have been saving our money we were throwing it all into the wind.

Having them gone still had lasting affects. There are still things to fix and replace. It just baffles my mind, after all this wasn’t a rental, that there was no concern for things. It was like everything was disposable or replaceable. Yes, for a price.

We felt guilty and again not because of them but because of the kids. My so did his best to make sure that guilt was always there. He used the kids and their wellbeing as a trigger for our guilt. He so wants to move back in, but we need our space and we need our own time without the chaos that having an additional 6 people in your house can bring.

We also felt as though we had to behave more like parents then grandparents. We were disciplining them instead of just having fun with them. We aren’t their parents and don’t want to act like it. Now we have more one on one time and can really get to know them as individuals. This doesn’t mean we mind helping out, in fact we’ve had the kids sleep over, we’ve gone and picked them up in an emergency, it just means we can’t have the daily responsibility of them. We have already done that and it’s their turn. It’s our turn to spoil! We really do have days where we miss them quite a lot, but the calmness is what we need right now.

https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-stop-enabling-an-alcoholic-63083