Just finished visiting my son. Surprised him since I usually visit on Sundays but was sick this Sunday. He was very happy to see me since he hasn’t been able to call anyone because he’s out of money. We talked about how he really missed his kids and it upset him when he saw them a month ago and his 1 1/2 year old wanted nothing to do with him. I could offer no sympathy as I told him that he put himself here. If he wanted things to change then he must change. Change comes from within and he needs to look inside himself at what needs changing. He always says, “I know”. He is determined to make things work, whatever it takes. I have also heard that before. Each time I prayer that it’s for real.

He talked about how he misses everyone and can’t see anyone. I told him that at least we were visiting and talking here on a receiver but face to face. It could be worse. I could be visiting a cemetery and talking to him at his gravesite. That is what it will be unless he wants sobriety and is strong enough to fight for it. We will all support him but walking that road isn’t something we can do for him. He has to do it. I pray that he can.

When I went in today for the first time I felt completely vulnerable. You are basically stripped of anything attached to the outside world and locked in a room. I think I’m so used to having, especially my phone, something to communicate with, in my hand at all times. I can always reach out to someone, but now I couldn’t. I couldn’t look at pictures or pull a book out of my bag. I had no bag. It was a very strange feeling that never hit me before this visit. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling knowing you were isolated from the world with no way out. I think that is how my son must feel. It was very unnerving. A creepy, strange, disconnected and almost like you were looking into the world but you weren’t in it.

I cannot imagine hours upon hours of that same feeling and even worse if you are put into “the hole”. No one around you at all, no stimulation, it could drive even the sanest person insane. Understandably jail is not meant to be “comfortable”. It shouldn’t be like a vacation, it should feel unnerving, you should feel vulnerable. How does this affect a person in the long term? I can’t imagine it would be in a good way. Jail will change you and if you are unable to handle the isolation in a healthy mental state the end result is not going to be a positive one.

My son has really immersed himself into Bible study with the Recovery Bible I sent him. (I’ll add a link at the end of the post). He says it gives him so much more than a regular bible and the chaplain also was able to give him a workbook that goes along with it. Something like this may be the only way to get through incarceration and leave as a better, stronger person then you were when you went in.