It’s been 1 year and a half since I started writing this blog. So much has changed but so much has remained the same. My son has been in jail several times, He’s there right now and will miss the birth of his daughter this week. Instead of becoming more positive about his recovery I’m sad to say at this point I’m starting to lose hope. I do want to believe he can recover, I don’t want to lose my son but the devil seems to be holding on pretty tightly. I don’t know what will get through to him. It’s been a difficult couple of weeks trying to deal with this latest setback.

I don’t understand what more can happen before it is considered “rock bottom” to him. How much further can he possibly fall? What is going to happen next? Will he ever decide that he needs sobriety?

I watch his family struggle. His children who do not know where he is. His fiance who has to figure out how she is going to survive financially as well as emotionally. A new baby arriving in just a few days that he won’t get to meet. These things have to be my focus right now. They are the innocent victims of the addiction crisis.

For a while I honestly thought his kids were his inspiration. They gave him a purpose, a reason to stay clean. But that seems to have worn off.  Now it seems as though the stress of a family is more than he is able to handle. He doesn’t seem to have the coping skills to deal with 3, soon to be 4 children. When he is in jail he is away from it all and those responsibilities fall on others. He seems to believe that the only person under stress is himself. At least in the mind of an addict he is the only one that matters. Learning to take responsibility is not a strong point for him. Escaping reality is. Jail might be restraining but it is a break from all his stresses of everyday life on the outside. He needs counseling to help him deal with life’s everyday stresses. Maybe I should send him a book? It would give him something to do during the day and maybe even help him a little.

There aren’t many books dealing with stress for fathers, coping with life and families. I’m sure that there are a lot out there and I’ll just have to research until I find what exactly I’m looking for. After he has his hearing I might contact social services at the jail and see what they can offer him while he is incarcerated. He needs this help before he is released. He needs those coping skills so that the last few months don’t repeat themselves. It could be many years before he is released or he could somehow get around this like he always does. If that happens I hope he gets the help he needs before he comes home.