Christmas, Hanukkah and Thanksgiving are fast approaching. Holidays can be especially difficult for someone in recovery. The holidays are times of parties and parties a lot of the time involve drinking. Not just the parties but the family dinners, gift giving etc. All these things can cause a tremendous amount of stress. Stress is a trigger, a major trigger. So what can we change to lessen the stress?

During the holiday season, it is more important than ever to show your loved ones support and empathy. If your loved one is in recovery, follow these tips to help him or her have a happy and sober holiday season.

1. Accept – Even though your initial reaction may be to exclude the recovering addict from family celebrations, not allowing him or her to attend will only increase the shame, isolation, and pain he or she already feels. Establish firm ground rules and behavioral boundaries beforehand, if agreed upon then extend the invitation. Helping them to know what is expected of them can take away the fear of the unknown. Also let family and friends know that he or she is attending and to refrain from any negative conversations. After all good behavior should be expected from everyone.
2. Prepare – Talk with your loved one, find out what makes them uncomfortable. Help them to understand what the event will include, who will be attending. Make sure that they have their sponsor’s phone number in case they feel the need to talk to someone.
3. Give them a way out – An escape plan if need be. You, as host, will need to be aware of what is going on and be prepared to remove them from a possible situation before it gets out of hand. Be prepared to step away and stay with them while someone else speaks to the other person who may or may not even be aware what they said was hurtful or caused undo stress.
4. Meetings – Try to encourage your loved one to keep up with their meeting schedule. Don’t ask them to miss just one because it’s not a big deal. It is a big deal, especially with all the added stress this time of year.

Everyone wants the perfect family holidays but even on good terms that isn’t always possible. It might seem like a lot of extra effort on your part but think of the happiness it will bring to your loved one and the memories you are creating. This can be the positive start that everyone needs for the New Year. You are the person that can bring this together. You are the one that can show your loved one that they are loved, they are part of a family, and that they will be included. You can do all of this without enabling them because you have set your own ground rules. If you set the tone most people will follow.

Sometimes the hardest part is making sure everyone feels comfortable and quite possibly that may mean 2 separate events. If there are people that do not understand or you just know are going to say something no matter what, then this is not the event for them to attend. Especially if this is the first holiday of sobriety, positivity is key. Maybe plan a gift exchange earlier in the day or how about a holiday breakfast.

If you are stressed during the holidays just imagine how your loved one in recovery feels. This is hard stuff. There are strained relationships to think about, high expectations and changes in routine. These are all things that stress me out some of the time so I know it stresses my son. I’ve had the hard talks with family members and there have been times when either they didn’t come or I didn’t go. That’s ok because I have avoided much conflict this way and triggers for my son.

Sometimes you just need to lighten the mood
And sometimes something small can make all the difference in the world.