I am so thankful that my son survived his overdose. We all know that seconds matter in these cases. So someone was watching out for him on Sunday night. I also want to extend my appreciation to everyone that has reached out to me, it is truly appreciated.

The scary thing is that he is just going on as though nothing has happened. His response was that it had to have been laced with something. I think we’re missing the big picture here! It doesn’t matter if it was laced with something, you can not do drugs. You can not die and be revived to go on as though your life hasn’t changed in some huge way. You were given a second chance and your response is it must have been laced with something? So I guess that means it wasn’t your fault?

Maybe that is his way to deal with it, to pretend it didn’t happen, to think of it as an accident, a mishap but no matter how he thinks about it he knows what happened. He is throwing himself headfirst into his work and getting jobs done so that there is money in the bank for his fiance when, not if, his probation is revoked and he is sent to prison. That is a really responsible thing to do for his family but he also has to deal with the overdose and what the trigger was, how it can be prevented in the future. He has to recognize the problem before he can solve it.

Life right now is not all sunshine and roses, it’s dark and scary. I don’t know if that demon will try to take my son again and I don’t know how to stop him. The fact is a can’t stop him no matter how hard I want to and that is a very helpless feeling. As a parent I want to stand between him and evil. But reality is I can’t do anything to protect my son.

I know he is under a great deal of pressure which isn’t a good thing for an addict. But he’s very short tempered and entitled, not at all humbled after overdosing. Could he have started using again? Or could it just be the stress? I haven’t figured that out yet, that is a very scary thought. His temper is what leads to me believe that he is not clean. He went off on his father tonight with the f bomb. I really hope its the stress catching up to him. He had been doing so well for so long. Sadly you just never know when your world will be turned upside down.

I know that I have accepted him going to jail, I know that it’s going to happen and I know that he will get through it. There are some good rehab programs that will be available to him also. I can only pray that being more long term then a 30 day program he will become a changed man when he comes out. Right now I need some peace, a night without fear and to be sure my son stays alive.

Recording Memories is so important