I wanted to order baby rings for my 2 older granddaughters. It was while I was looking that I came to the realization that mine are gone. I knew my engagement ring and wedding band were gone, but just realized that my 2 baby rings that I could have passed onto my grandchildren were in the same box. I think this hit me harder then my wedding rings. It’s been a couple year since they went missing and I still continue to search for them even though I know in my head that they are gone. My heart still hold our hope. Now I have nothing to pass onto my granddaughters. Nothing that was mine, that has a special meaning to me and my heart is broken ….again, shattered.

We took precautions, we had a deadbolt on our bedroom door. But somehow, someway my son found a way. There are so many things that I’m sure I have yet to discover that I know longer have. I have to tell myself that they are only “things”, nothing more. But they are mementos of my life that I am now unable to share with future generations. It’s such a hard thing. Family means so much to me and now this has been taken away from me. Just when I think things are going well something new surprises me. I understand that these items disappeared 2+ years ago but to me I just lost them today.

So many people suffer these personal losses, personal assaults on their heart and soul. These are items that can never be replaced and “I’m Sorry” just doesn’t make that violation go away. Sure we can move on but do we ever fully forgive? We certainly don’t ever forget. We can’t forget because we have been hurt over and over again. The pain that families go through cannot be understood by people who haven’t experienced this. It’s easy for others to say that we should have done this or that, it’s easy to judge, it’s easy to have an opinion but that doesn’t mean others are right.

Part of the addiction crisis is looking at families that face this each and every day. We don’t get to go home and forget it. We can’t escape what surrounds us. Just when you catch your breath things happen again and again. Help needs to be given to loved ones who suffer along with the addict both psychologically and financially. Awareness is key. Doesn’t a pawn shop wonder where these heirlooms come from? There has to be a way to help, a way to stop the ability to sell things that so obviously don’t belong to the person selling them.

I am so happy that my son is in recovery. I’m proud of how well he is doing. But will the past ever truly go away? It’s easy to say that the past is the past and we can only move forward. True statement although the past seems to keep coming back when I least expect it. Then my heart breaks all over again. I honestly don’t know when this cycle ends. I have been good at just letting it go, after all they are just “Things”. Unfortunately they are my things, pieces of my life that are now lost to me forever.