This is a story of recovery. It was sent to me to personally share with you. It is important to share your stories, by doing so you can help or inspire another person. So this is Tiffany’s story –

My name is Tiffany and I am an addict…

I used to cringe at that last part of my introduction. Now,it’s just a part of me.
It’s played a huge role in my life.

Looking back, it seems addiction was lingering inside of me all along. Despite me seeing what it did to people I loved and having a great mother who didn’t do anything but love me and work.

The *just say no* speech was drilled into my head at home and school…
So it’s hard for some to understand what would become of me.

I was 13 when I first smoked pot. I would also binge drink too many times than I ever should have. By that age,I had been used to people leaving. I was left long before I ever turned 13 by the man who was always supposed to be around. The alcohol won his love. I don’t think I was even runner up.

I was misunderstood,and really seen as an object that could be traded in the second I became*too much* for them to handle.

I do not blame anyone or anything for my actions throughout the years.
I’m sure the abandonment,and constant betrayal didn’t help. Or it could have been the unstableness of life. Mixed with genetics and lots of loss…Who knows?

It wasn’t until I filled that prescription from the dentist when I had root canals done,at 13 that the switch was flipped.

I found that that pill made more than the physical mouth pain ease. I felt better in so many ways. I was supervised with the medicine,so asking for the other half wasn’t a big deal. After all,I was hurting..
Once the prescription was gone, I had more dental work lined up, which meant more prescriptions. I was the happiest teen in that dentist chair…and doctor’s offices for migraines and backaches..

I felt better at home and at school.
Finally,I had found some relief from the feelings that wouldn’t let me sleep,or be happy.

I never was a regular teen. I was born with an adult mind,it seemed. I didn’t fit in with anyone my own age. What teenager is taking pain meds, smoking weed,binge drinking, getting home made tattoos and having sex with guys who didn’t care about them? Just me.

When I was 15 , my beautiful mother was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 53.
My mom was my everything. She’s all I knew.
I didn’t know how to handle that sort of crisis.
I escaped through my newfound miracle in a bottle. I never stole from mom,but I knew where to get whatever drugs I wanted.

I married when I was 16 and thought my mother’s battle was won.

Cancer,like addiction, doesn’t care who you are or what you want. Cancer didn’t care that she was a mother of 3, grandmother to 3 at the time,or that I needed her… The cancer spread to her spine and liver…

Shortly after I turned 17,mom came to live her last days with my husband and I. I tried saving her.. I failed. She went back into the hospital only after 11 days of being home with us.
She never came to her earthly home again. After 16months of fighting to live,cancer took my mother away at age 56. Her death killed a part of me.. a part I’ll never get back ..

The day of her funeral,I went into the room that she stayed in,and I took enough pain meds to kill me. It didn’t work… I was at her funeral in a daze.

Some time passed and we planned to have a child. The withdrawal is far worse on an unborn child so I was kept on a low dose during my pregnancy.

My child was beautiful and healthy. The only plan that ever worked out.

I tried so many times to stop. It never lasted long.

In 2012 my baby was removed from my home due to my addiction. That was the worst time in my life . I fought like hell and recieved him back in 4months. I had been arrested and dealt with things I had done in the past that caught up to me while fighting to get my child back. I was completely clean. I did well for awhile but again, addiction doesn’t give a damn about you.
Or anyone you love.

I was pill sick for the 340th time and I couldn’t handle it. I had always thought I was better than anyone else who had an addiction because I wasn’t doing XYZ,like everyone else. I had always said that anyone doing heroin,meth/ice was an idiot junkie.. I was so sick that night when that shiny substance was on my nightstand, I looked at it for 20 minutes, knowing better. I knew that if I did it,I was stepping over the line,into a new hell .

But like a moth to a flame,I put the straw up to my nose and up went the shiny stuff.

I was now an *ice head*. I was now everything I was*better than*.

In a short period of time,I lost so much weight.50lbs. My teeth started crumbling and my lung that was messed up from a birth defect, collapsed and I almost died.

I battled the ice addiction for awhile and I was becoming someone I didn’t recognize, physically or mentally. The crowd I was involved with ranged from thieves to murderers. Like people and situations you see in the movies.

I knew I was taught better than I was acting.
I wasn’t dumb. But it didn’t matter.

In June of 2015 everything was blowing up in my face and I had this voice telling me if I didn’t get my son and myself away from the situations,that I wasn’t going to have another chance if I didn’t do something asap.

I was taught and had always believed in Jesus.
Which made all of my behavior worse.

I walked away with my son on one hip,my purse lacking money, and the clothes on my back to a place where I begged to allow us to sleep on their couch just for the night so I could keep my child safe and with me for at least one more night. Thankfully they let us.
I had nothing. I didn’t know if my marriage would ever make it passed what we had been through and what we had done to one another..

The whole night I cried out to Christ.
I told him I was surrendering everything and if he wouldn’t save me,to please save my child and make a way of escape out of the situation I created. I told Jesus that if he would please help us,or at least my child,that I would never touch that mess again and IF I did,he could kill me…
I meant it and I still do..

I woke that next morning 6-23-15,with peace inside of me. Even in the chaos I created I was at peace.

God showed up and showed out.

I watched Him preform miracles in front of me.

My husband had an interview in another state , we had a few people willing to help us get back on our feet, providing a safe place to stay.
My husband was hired that same week.
Within a month,we had our own apartment,we paid back the help given to get us started,we were given people who God used to help us and God gave me back everything I had lost,plus more. I found a doctor and therapy. I started treatment that next year along with therapy and medicine that’s helped me in so many ways.
I’m Still currently on the same treatment plan.

My husband is doing well and is everything I knew he could be.. this week Marks11 years together. Married 10 years in October. My son is perfect and thriving. This the most stability I’ve had.
I have not touched the*devil’s substance* since 6-23-15. I’ve kept my promise to God and I still will. God’s grace and mercy is something I’ll never understand nor will I ever deserve it.

I was the worst and God has used all of the bad for good .
I share my story so that others may know that there’s Hope. I’m nobody special and if it happens for me,it can happen for you too.
I share the hope that’s found in Jesus.
I’ve been given a new heart,a new life and i cannot waste it. I’ll help anyone I can. I know what it’s like to love an addict and be an addict and at the same time. I’ve forgiven those whom left me and hurt me. Mom taught me that unforgiveness doesn’t hurt them,it hurts you and forgiveness isn’t saying they’re right, nor is it for them,it’s for you.

There’s many treatment options for anyone struggling. Recovery isn’t a one size fits all type of thing. Not one way works for everyone,but there’s something for everyone that will work.

You’ll never go so far that Jesus cannot save you. He left the 99 to come save me, he loves you the same. You’ll never do anything to make God love you more,you’ll never do anything to make God love you less, because you never did anything for Him to love you to begin with when he died on that cross… He just loves you!!
Don’t quit. Failure isn’t In falling; failure is in not standing back up,even if you crawl,at least you’re moving forward 💕

 

Thank you for sharing your story