Holidays can be joyful but they can also be stressful. Stress causes a lot of things. As the mother of an addict the stress I worry about is the stress on my son. He has been in recovery for over a year but the holidays bring with them a great amount of temptation along with stress. This in turn adds worry and anxiety to my life. I want to check on him but I also don’t want to be too nosy or has he says “crossing the line”.

He still has the personality and characteristics of an addict. When push comes to shove that is what he reverts to. So although I want to check on him, I have to do so in more covert ways. It’s not easy to do but I need to find out he’s doing ok without him knowing I’m trying to find out if he’s ok. This whole way of life can drive a person crazy. I have just said to him that I hope everything is ok, but if you need to talk to me or someone else please reach out. I get my message to him even though I still get the Mom, I’m fine speech.

My son has been doing really well this past year so I’m not as stressed as I was last Christmas. Also Family members have seen him making changes, making amends and paying back people that he stole from. This makes time with family a lot less stressful. But there is still that nagging voice in the back of my mind that says – watch him, check on him and don’t let your guard down.

I don’t know if this will ever go away. I don’t know if that voice will ever tell me that I don’t have worry anymore. But I do know that right now I am proud of him and all that he has accomplished and right now is all that matters.