I am learning each day how my children are all so different. I have set different boundaries for each as they have for me. Since I was a very hands on Mom I’ve become a very Hands On Grandmother. It’s just fine with my daughters but not so much with my son. It brings to mind a saying that I’ve heard – “A Son is a Son til he takes a Wife, a Daughters a Daughter for the rest of her life”. It is very true. Woman tend to develop close ties to their families and turn to them for help and advice. Sons defer to their wives and I think you lose some of that connection, at least that is what my experience tells me.

Have you experienced that? I don’t know how to change that.  I don’t know how to breach that wall. I understand the need to stand on your own 2 feet and I understand wanting to do things your own way. I guess because I’ve been there before I feel as though I can help him avoid some of the pitfalls that I went through. Also my son is a recovering addict and I think sometimes he needs more help then my daughters do. Maybe that’s not really true but I’ve spent so many years worrying about him it’s kind of hard to break that habit.

Right now I have lost my spontaneity in my relationship with my son. I’m really trying to take a step away but I can’t be that Grandmother that never says what’s on her mind if it would benefit someone. If I have a concern how do I not ask or suggest? My grandson, whom I written about, was a preemie and in NICU for 4 weeks going through withdraw so I am concerned about him. He’s so tiny and physically not where he should be at 3 months old. When his breathing was getting loud, labored, wheezing and panicky I ask questions. I suggested things. I got yelled at for interfering. My son had very bad asthma as a young child and was on a nebulizer starting before he was 2. I was concerned about this in a child so young. There were times he struggled to breath and you could tell he was having panic attacks which caused it to get so much worse. Should I have minded my own business?

I was told I was overstepping a line, that I needed to let them take care of their children. I don’t know how to let something like this go. I don’t know how to turn my back on my grandson when I see him suffering and scared. This is such a heart wrenching situation. My daughters both agreed with me and of course told me I needed to speak to him. When I said I had they began to tell him the same things which of course became a conspiracy that I was behind.

Eventually my grandson was admitted to the hospital, put on IV, had chest xrays and was found to have a viral infection. He was in the hospital for 3 days so there was obviously something wrong. Should I have tried not to interfere? Is my son being ultra sensitive? I think he feels as though I’m questioning their parenting ability, which I’m not trying to do. I think in a few weeks when we have both had time to think, we will need to sit down and come to an understanding, not an ultimatum that he gives but a mutually respected understanding because that is what adults do.