Sometimes you just need to get the opinion of someone removed from the situation to assure yourself that what you are doing is the right thing to do. It doesn’t mean you’re weak, crazy or nuts, it just means you need a little support. When you are constantly giving to everyone else it is important to know that someone listens to you too.

So last night I had an appointment with a counselor, it was only my 3rd one. Already my sleep has improved with a few simple tricks. But with everything that has been going on I think I just needed to vent. I needed to know if I was doing the right things or if I needed to make some changes. I feel like I just absorb everything and I don’t know where it all goes. That can’t be good, right?

So I talked and was reassured that I am not enabling. I am very good at walking a fine line between helping my son and saving my own sanity. I have learned when I can push and when I should back off, but don’t back down. I know that even though he gets mad at me, he will eventually call me or ask for something because I am his biggest support. I was told I really don’t need to feel the fear of him keeping his children away because he needs me too much. That is my strength and I really did not even realize it. The fear has been he would keep the children away from me and with that fear removed I feel much freer than I have in a long time. Let him get mad, he’ll get over it.

So I’ll just continue with my new mantra of – “I hope that works out for you”. But why won’t he change? Well, I was told, addicts are very selfish people, which of course we all know, so they only see what’s best for them. They don’t see the whole picture. They are unable to apply logic like you and I. We speak from a place that is logical, honest and empathetic. They only want to know how will this benefit me. So we will never be on the same path, will never really agree on what’s right and certainly never see the same way about helping another person even if that person is their own child or my grandson.

As time goes on, the extended family will play a very important role in the lives of these children. I was told that as the children of addicts grow they credit their grandparents as being the most influential people in their lives. These are the people that they can count on to always be there, to always listen and to always make time for them. Grandparents give them a safe haven.

That certainly puts things into perspective and also adds a great deal of responsibility to my husband and I. I couldn’t imagine not being there for them, they are family and family always comes first. As they say, family is not always blood and that is true. Family is who stands with you as a storm approaches and holds your hand during devastating events in you life, family holds you as you cry on their shoulder and celebrates with you during times of great joy. All these things help me know that although I am walking a tightrope there are others around me to catch me if and when I fall.