Frustration! Is there a reason to lie about everything? I honestly felt that things would improve when my son was in recovery. I guess it’s hard to break habits that have become so much a part of him. So when will it finally click?

When he is caught is a lie he twist things around to try and make you believe that you are at fault. In the past that sometimes worked, but not anymore. I know that I did nothing wrong, I know I did not lie and I know he can’t blame me for his mistakes.

It just seems that the more time we are together the worse our interactions become. He wants to appear to be the leader, the big man, the one who is ALWAYS right. It’s his way or it’s wrong. So my new mantra is going to be “I hope that works out for you”. No more helping, no more advice; he can do it all on his own. Of course that’s easy to say until he desperately comes to me with a crisis. I need to remember I can’t fix him and I need, for my own sanity, to stop trying.

I know what it is that keeps me trying, I know why I don’t just say enough is enough and cut ties with him. I believe in family, I want family, I want my grandchildren in my life and those are some pretty good reasons. Those children will not understand and will grow up thinking I don’t care about them when the truth is something completely different.

I find it so hard to not know which person I’m going to get when I talk to my son. Unfortunately I think I am getting to the point that I don’t care. He holds the kids over me, threatens that I won’t be able to see them until the next time he wants us to watch them. My husband and I are establishing a relationship with the kids and they get so excited when they see us. I can’t imagine that I will have the same relationship with them as I have with my daughter’s children because my son restricts when we can see them and what we can do.

Knowing how hard it is for them to get to the hospital I offered on Friday to meet them at the hospital at 3 to get the other 2 kids so they could visit the baby. I said I would bring the 2 back to the hospital at 7 after feeding them dinner. That would give them 4 hours. By noon I still hadn’t received a response so I messaged again. At 3 my son texts me and says they will drop the kids off in 10 minutes. I said ok, but I told you I could do this from 3-7. He arrives with the kids at 5:20. He doesn’t come back to get them until after 10pm. No calls, nothing. Everything is on their time and other people’s schedules do not matter.

Saturday was a repeat except at 5pm I called him and told him to forget it. I had been available from 1-6. But they’re getting ready to leave he says, my reply was oh well, sorry – I told you to bring them at 1 and now it’s too late. Sunday he calls at 11am begging us to watch them because they haven’t even started to pack and they are supposed to move this week into permanent housing. I said no. There is no reason that they couldn’t be packed, it’s basically clothes and toys. They don’t have furniture since they live in a shelter. I am tired of getting taken advantage of with no regard for my life, my schedule. It is totally frustrating.

This is my experience with my son in recovery. I guess you can tell I’m a little upset with him. Sometimes I think you just have to get angry, you just need to say no, you need to think about how valuable you are and remember that this isn’t your life. This isn’t your responsibility. I wish it was easier. I wish he was responsible. I wish he thought about someone other than just himself. I wish he could see things from another perspective and look beyond this moment to see what kind of future he is forming for himself and his children. I’m setting my boundaries for me, so that I can survive. My head says who cares, but my heart says you know you do. That is the problem.

Do any of my readers have similar experiences? Have you seen changes after their loved ones have been in recovery?