The only time he calls is when he needs something from me. This morning I did not respond to his text message of “call me”. Why should I? It’s so frustrating. I would love if he called or texted and just said, “Hey Mom, just checking in, hope everything is ok, can I do anything for you”. But that’s never going to happen. He only calls or texts when he wants or needs something. He expects that I should drop whatever plans I had to do what he needs.

So why do I keep going with this? I recently posted a quote on Instagram that said, ” No one can manipulate you unless you need something from them. Figure out what you need and you will discover the source of their power”. What a powerful message and so true. What do I need from him?

I know exactly what I need from him, my family complete, I need to see my grandchildren, I want family dinners, I want family holidays, I guess I just want the semblance of what I see as a perfect family. Yes, he would keep the kids away, I have no doubt in my mind about that. Of course that would be until the next time he needed something from me. It’s easy to say that having all my family together at holidays and picnics is not a big deal. Yes, those words are easy to say but it digs deep into my heart to think that I can’t have it all.

So what should I do to take away his power? Is it worth losing my grandchildren? Would I actually lose my grandchildren?

The response I get when I say no is a long stream of ranting and cursing. I just ignore it, sadly it’s become the norm. I don’t want this to be the norm, I want respect. Treat me like you would a stranger because a stranger gets the polite you, the respectful you, the you I taught you to be and all I get is the anger and contempt. I think I let a lot go because I know it’s coming from the addicted mind. Sadly I don’t expect the same of him as I do my daughters and that’s wrong. It’s me that’s allowing this behavior because I’m just too tired of fighting for the change. I have been fighting this battle for so long that it’s just easier to ignore things and let them go rather than to be in a constant battle.

I guess in order for me to change his actions towards me I need to be willing to not be upset if I don’t see my grandchildren. I need to wait him out and not cave in. I need to not care so much about the perfect family now and hope a little turmoil now will give me what I need in the future. What I end up doing is pushing it off, like after the baby is born or after they find a house to live in. What I need to do is just say from this day forward I refuse to be used, I refuse to be disrespected and if I am I will cut off communication. I will need to say enough is enough and actually follow through and mean it.

It’s easier said then done but I am going to make that effort. I am going to start thinking about myself a little bit more. I am going to love the ones who love me and not chase the ones that don’t. New Day today – One Day At A Time