I know how you feel because I feel the same things. I know the pain you’re feeling because I too feel the pain. I know what it’s like to see them walk out the door not knowing if you’ll ever see them again. I know the excitement that this will be the time he stays in recovery while knowing it could all change in an hour.

I know how it feels to know your child is using pills. Then snorting them. I know how it feels to lay in bed at night and wonder if you will get that call. I know what it feels like to watch your child spiral further into the pits of darkness and not know what to do to save them. I know what it feels like to spend hours on the phone to find a bed so they can get care. I know what it feels like to be so excited that this time was gonna work. I know what it’s like when that hope has crushed you and brought you to your knees asking God why?. I know what it’s like to be angry at God because you have begged and cried a million tears. I know what it’s like to rip your marriage and finances into pieces. I know what it’s like to beg and plead to your child and be there biggest fan club. I know what it’s like to pick your child off the floor. I know what it’s like to be crying because you never know if this will be the last time you see them.

I know how it feels to find the baggies and blue squares that they love more than you or anyone else. I know what it’s like to have the most precious items stolen from you. I know what it’s like to want to believe them until you can’t anymore but you still want to. I know what it’s like to have hope and they leave. I know what it feels like to see hope and it falls apart. I know what it feels like to look at the pictures of happier times. I know what it’s like to cut your child off completely. . I know what it’s like to see your child not even be able to talk. I know what it’s like to see your child hungry. See them skin and bones. I know what it’s like to see your child be handcuffed and taken to jail.

I know what its like to know where their dealers and loan sharks live. I know what it’s like to get the phone calls from jail begging for money to be on their books. I know what it feels like to give in no matter how many times you said you wouldn’t. I know what it’s like to beg and plead to someone to help why you sit in the E.R. at your most desperate times. I know what it’s like to have no help. No where to turn. Because their was never any help that could happen fast enough.

I know what it feels like to have hope in Suboxin and Methadone clinics. I know what it feels like to see that Methadone is just another drug with more problems. I know what it’s like to watch your child die everyday in front of you. I know how it feels to wonder if death for your child would be easier. I know how it feels to watch someone else’s child succeed when yours hasn’t. I know what it’s like to feel so alone that you wanted to die because no one else knew about it or understood. I know how it feels when that’s all you can think about. It consumes your thoughts. I know how it feels to have your child sent away because they were so depressed that you had them taken legally even for a couple days. I know how it feels to be happy for those few days of peace. I know how it feels when they crumble in front of you and you know they desperately want to change.

I know how it feels when they call because they have an abscess on there arm or infections in their teeth. I know how it feels to get the calls how sorry you are because you wont give them that one more $20. I know how it feels to be yelled at and berated because you stood your ground. I know what it feels like to feel guilty that your other children have sacrificed over their addicted sibling. I know what it’s like to say no more and still wonder what you will do and say the next time. I know what it feels like to go back on what you said. I know what it feels like to not having your child around on holidays. I know what it’s like that your child is facing serious jail time.

I know what it’s like to cry so many times when no one else is around because you feel like they’re sick of hearing about it, how could they not be… I know what it’s like to be so angry that you want somehow to make a change in your city or state because nothing is giving you peace. I know what it’s like to watch every episode of intervention or drug addiction program. I know what it’s like to go through every rehab training session for families. I know what it’s like to go to therapist and spill your guts hoping some magic pill could fix your anxiety and depression. I know what it’s like to have the stress and anxiety cause physical symptoms and illness for yourself and your loved ones.

I know what it’s like to work while getting multiple texts and phone calls because they need something. I know what it’s like for your child to be begging and screaming for help and there’s no help to be given.

I also know what it’s like to be proud but cautious about their recovery. I know what it’s like to question each and every word and action. I know what it’s like to know that your life will never be the same again. I know what it’s like because I’m living it every day.

I know your story; your story is mine. I know what it’s like to give your child to God. I know that God’s grace will be my child’s only redeeming grace… I know that I PRAY for your child as well as my own all through this horrific storm…the daily deaths and the parents heart aches. I know my child loves me and I will always love him… I know that will never change. I know his sins are forgiven. I know your story and you are never alone, we are all in this together and I know there is always hope!. Love and prayer to all of you.