Families & Addiction – Repost from Dr Steven Melemis

By admin 23 Jul, 2018

Repost – from Dr. Steven M. Melemis

https://www.addictionsandrecovery.org/families-and-addiction.htm

Help for Families With Addiction

An addiction destroys families as much as it destroys individuals. Living with an addict is both heartbreaking and exhausting. Family members are torn between how to help the addict and how to avoid being sucked into the addict’s world.

Here are some helpful suggestions that I have found over the years of working with addicts and their families. I hope they can help you.

Things You Can Do For the Addict

  • Educate yourself on addiction and recovery.
  • Try not to accuse or judge. Avoid name calling. This is a difficult time for both of you.
  • Provide a sober environment that reduces triggers for using.
  • Allow the addict time to go to meetings.
  • Understand that your lives will change. Do not wish for your old life back. Your old life to some extent is what got you here. You both need to create a new life where it is easier to not use alcohol or drugs.
  • Make sure that you both have time for fun. People use alcohol and drugs to relax, escape, and as a reward. The addict needs to find alternative ways to relax, escape, and as a reward otherwise they will turn back to their addiction.
  • Do not enable. Do not provide excuses or cover up for the addict.
  • Do not shield the addict from the consequences of their addiction. People are more likely to change if they have suffered enough negative consequences.
  • Set boundaries that you all agree on. The goal of boundaries is to improve the health of the family as a whole. Do not use boundaries to punish or shame.
  • If you want to provide financial support, buy the goods and services the addict needs instead of giving them money that they might use to buy alcohol or drugs.
  • Recognize and acknowledge the potential the addict has within them.
  • Behave exactly as you would if your loved one had a serious illness. What would you do if they were diagnosed with heart disease or cancer?

Things You Can Do For Yourself

  • Take care of yourself. Living with an addict is exhausting. You also need time to recover.
  • Avoid self-blame. You can’t control another person’s decisions, and you can’t force them to change.
  • Do not work harder than the person you’re trying to help. The best approach is to not do things for the addict, but instead to be an example of balance and self-care.
  • Being a caretaker is not good for you or the addict. Understand that there is only so much you can do to change another person.
  • Ask for help. Talk to a professional. Go to a support group such as Al-Anon. (More support groups are listed below.)
  • Do not argue or try to discuss things with the addict when they are under the influence. It won’t get you anywhere.
  • If at all possible, try not to be negative when dealing with the addict. That may only increase their feelings of guilt and push them further into using. (Reference: www.AddictionsAndRecovery.org)

The Three C’s of Dealing with an Addict

  • You didn’t Cause the addiction.
  • You can’t Control the addiction.
  • You can’t Cure the addiction.

“You can’t stop drinking or using for another person.”

Helpful Links for Family and Friends of Addicts

Narcotics Anonymous(NA) (na.org)Adultchildren.org (adultchildren.org) For adult children of alcoholics and addicts.

Addiction, Recovery and Relapse Prevention Videos

A list of useful life skills videos.

What Is Addiction? (5 minute video)
What is addiction? Learn the definition of addiction. Take a simple test to decide if you have an addiction. Understand the causes of addiction. Learn what you can do to increase your chances of recovery.

Addiction and the Brain (6 minute video)
How the brain works in addiction. Why addicts and non-addicts have a hard time understanding each other. Three important lessons about addiction, relapse prevention and recovery.

Addiction Relapse Prevention (6 minute video)
Learn the stages of relapse and how to recognize the early warning signs of relapse. Learn coping skills to prevent relapse in the future.
(Reference: www.AddictionsAndRecovery.org)

Recommended Recovery Websites 12 Step and Recovery Groups
Online Self-Help Forums
Sites for Finding Addiction Treatment Programs

Most alcohol treatment programs are legitimate and accredited, but there are some unscrupulous programs that take advantage of people when they are at their most vulnerable. Below is a list of unbiased government websites that can help you find an addiction treatment program.

Government Agencies
Organizations
Other Resources

(IMPORTANT: I am not responsible for the content of these sites. Nor do I necessarily endorse all the statements in these sites. However I do believe they contain useful information.)

In Crisis?

Talk to someone now. If you are in crisis, there is always a caring voice on the other line. You don’t have to face your problems alone.

America

Suicide Prevention Lifeline (suicidepreventionlifeline.org)
24/7 Crisis Text Line (www.crisistextline.org)

Australia

Lifeline Australia (www.lifeline.org.au)

Canada

Crisis Services Canada (www.crisisservicescanada.ca)

United Kingdom

Samaritans (www.samaritans.org)

How to Find Counselors, Therapists and Health Professionals for Anxiety, Depression or Addiction

Change is easier with help from a trained professional. Here is a list of counselors, therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, and addiction physicians by region. Each website has a directory or health professional register to help you find the help you need.

Take the first step. Your new life is waiting.

America

American Counseling Association (www.counseling.org)
American Psychological Association (www.apa.org)
American Psychiatric Association (www.psychiatry.org)
American Society of Addiction Medicine (www.asam.org)
National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism-Alcohol Treatment Navigator (https://alcoholtreatment.niaaa.nih.gov)
Substance Abuse Treatment Locator (https://findtreatment.samhsa.gov)

Dr. Steven M. Melemis
Steven M. Melemis PhD MD is a leading authority in addiction and mood disorders. He served as a Medical Inspector for the College of Physicians and Surgeons of Ontario, and as Vice-Chair of Addiction Medicine for the Ontario Medical Association. Dr. Melemis has a post-doctoral fellowship from the University of California at Berkeley, and has received the honor of Fellow of the Royal Society of Medicine. He regularly gives interviews and lectures in his field.
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