There are so many days that give me mixed feelings. Sometimes I’m blindsided by things that happen but it’s always living in a constant state of stress and anxiety. I feel like I’m always on the edge. Always waiting for the next catastrophe. I’m lucky to have a way to express how I’m feeling and there are some amazing groups on Facebook for parents of addicts. Sometimes I just need a hug or a prayer or maybe just a kind word.

I’m always filtering what I say to people because I don’t want the added stress of listening to others, who think they know what I should do, give me suggestions. I just think that each person has to do what they feel comfortable doing, what they can live with and that’s not necessarily what the “experts” think and certainly not what your neighbor thinks.

I’ve been to the classes, I’ve read the books, I’ve listened to the experts, but the bottom line is that I have to be able to live with my choices, not anyone else that has an opinion, but just me.

Maybe what I need is a little more understanding and a little less criticism. It is after all my life and my choice.

I never understood addiction until I was forced to learn. It wasn’t part of my life, it was someone elses problem, someone elses child and now it’s my child and my problem. I have read so many different books, articles, studies and listened to talks with counselors and classes at rehab centers. I want to gather as much information as I can to help my son. I also want to interpret that information and apply it to my circumstances and my life not to the statistics of the average addict.

If I have taken so much time to research and learn then I kind of know what I’m doing. It’s so hard to listen to others say, well I heard or I think or you should, because guess what? I’ve either already thought of it, tried it or done what I feel is best. I know I’m not the only one that gets frustrated. How do you deal with it? I just try to smile and let them finish, say thank you and hold inside my frustration which is probably not the best choice.

Ideally the best thing someone can say is I don’t know how you can go through this everyday but if I can do anything please let me know. I have some very close friends that have done this, that have taken my hand and told me they don’t completely understand but they would like to. They truly care about me! Those are the best friends anyone could possible have. It brings tears of joy to my eyes just thinking about these people and what comfort they have brought me. I hope everyone has at least 1 person like this in their lives. It’s so important for me to have a shoulder to cry on, someone I can confide in and someone that cares. When you have all those things in 1 person you are fortunate but when you have them in more than that you are truly blessed.

I thank these people whenever I see them, I’ve sent little notes or cards because I want them to know what amazing people they are and how happy I am that they are in my life.

Other Family Members Part 1