Family Ties
I must say that even after all that we’ve been through as a family I am amazed and proud of how we have stuck together. Even when the girls were mad at their brother they may have expressed their disapproval with our choices but it hasn’t hurt our relationship with them. Being able to talk things out as a family has made us stronger. We are able to gain insight into what they others are thinking and helps us to see different perspectives.
I am blessed to have such an amazing support system in my husband, my daughters and our parents. I’m not saying we all agree but we all respect the others opinion. When it comes to my son there are so many different emotions at any given time. But even if his sister isn’t speaking to him or his grandmother is angry with him, none of that matters if he asks for help concerning his addiction. Money, now that’s another matter entirely; we are ALL on the same page about that. It wasn’t always that way, but we have learned.
You learn when you give him money for doctors appointments that he can never find the receipt for. There was a great amount of money given for medical expenses that I don’t even know if they existed to the extent that he told us. He is a great manipulator and we ALL have to be on the same page with money.
When he says he needs food for his family, I go out and buy food. I don’t give him money. Diapers for his daughter? Well I have gone online and bought them at Walmart and sent him the pick-up number or picked them up myself. My heart goes out to the children and I know that he is aware of that and probably uses it to his benefit. But that is where using my heart comes into play. My head says let him figure it out but my heart says that poor little girl has no clean diapers. This is my downfall and I am aware of it.
He has tried to go between my husband and I to get money, kind of like divide and conquer. That has worked in the past but not anymore. We are pretty good at confirming with each other about everything.
His step son plays football, he’s only 7, but they are getting financial help for the membership fees and my daughters just bought him his cleats and gloves as a birthday gift. So we help him in different ways, it might not always be the way he wants help but it is the way we feel comfortable giving him help.
We had to learn, by trial and error, what works best for our son. It’s a constantly changing journey that we are on with him. There are steps forward and back which we have to deal with. I think letting him go, letting him find his own way, letting him figure his own way out of situations, has made him a stronger person. He was homeless for a while, he found foundations to help them find a place to live. They took care of going to welfare, getting medical benefits, etc and this has made him grow up a little.
He loves his family, his fiance, stepson, daughter and soon to be new son. He would do anything for them. That statement does make me nervous because I know he would do ANYTHING for them and his anything isn’t the same as ours. He’s had a different environment to learn from, a different set of skill you might say, then we do. Old habits die hard. I can only pray that he takes a moment to think before he acts. The days of bailing him out are over.
