To me one of the biggest issues I have with my son is trust. He is just so good at weaving a story that he makes you want to believe him, sometimes even making you feel like you are crazy. He can twist anything around to suit his needs and make you feel guilty for doubting him. Even to go so far as to question what others have told you.

It’s scary that he has this “super-power”. I believe it’s something most addicts have in common, some may be better at it than others. My son is the cream of the crop on this one!

For so long he lied about everything. He used his words to cause great rifts between people, usually the people that he saw as a threat to his drug abuse. Mainly his Father and I. You see if we actually spoke about issues concerning him then we would have a united front. He knew that this wasn’t in his best interest. Instead he needed to cause  circumstances that would keep us apart. He succeeded when we were separated for 3 months but began to lose his grip when we went to counseling and really began talking again. The addict only cares about himself and not the collateral damage he leaves in his wake.

This all began late in his senior year of High School. I spent his graduation with swollen eyes from crying because my husband chose that day to leave. Our son was very pleased with himself that he had succeeded. Then he only wanted me to go with him to his orientation at college, no Dad. He was doing whatever he could to put a wedge between us and keep us apart.

Lies, no matter what the reason, are a horrible habit. Habits become part of who you are and who you are determines your destiny. My son continues to lie, he reverts to his old habits when things get tough, he steals and can justify it in his own mind because he still only thinks about what is best for him. No one else matters as long as he gets what he needs.

I would be able to say that he is a wonderful son and a great human being if only he would stop telling lies about everything, both small and large. If only he would stop feeling entitled to take anything we own if he is backed into a corner. He has stolen things that were in our house and weren’t even ours. Things we’ve had to spend thousands of dollars to get back. It is very typical of people suffering from addiction but it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with on a daily basis. Even in recovery the lies continue, it’s something so ingrained in his mind that he can’t stop. When he has a crisis his first thought isn’t I’ll work extra hours, go to a meeting; no his automatic response is what can I take from my parents and pawn.

We have deadbolts on our bedroom doors, he’s learned to pick locks. If only he could put as much effort into being a productive member of society imagine what he could achieve. He is very intelligent. Sadly I believe that he believes his own lies some of the time. It just comes so naturally to him.

Now he ready to become a Father and I am afraid of how his life is going forward. There are so many things missing from our home because he needed to put food on the table which is his justification for taking from others. His fiance has a 7 year old son and a daughter whom we’ve been told is his that will be 2 in a month and now a baby boy on the way. I want so desperately to believe he is moving in the right direction but I can’t believe what he tells me. I don’t know if I ever will.

My husband and I are so afraid that we are going to end up raising this child. We would do just that if we needed to but we also want some time for us, some time where we can enjoy ourselves without the constant stress of waiting for the other shoe to drop.

His behavior needs to change and I don’t see much change with him being in recovery except that I don’t worry as much about a knock on the door or a phone call that he has OD’d. The other personality traits that began with the addiction have sadly stayed with him. I pray that someday he’ll be able to see this in himself and make a change.

Let’s be Honest