Being a Mom, anyone’s mom, takes a lot of love, energy, time, compassion, learning when to speak and when to listen, when to help and when to take a step back, when to be an advocate and when to let them do it on their own. People say that when children are little their problems are little but when they are older the problems get bigger. This is so true. What I wouldn’t give to go back to those little problems.

I remember when my son was first diagnosed as ADHD. We as a family had to make some major changes. Charts and stars, reward box and most importantly was consistency in our parenting. One day when my son came in the back door slamming it shut I stopped him, reminded him that we don’t slam doors. “Yes, Mom I know” was his response. My response was to please go back out the door and come in without slamming it shut which he did. I said to him that I think we need to practice this so please do it again, and then again and then again after which we were both laughing. It became a fun reminder, something that stuck in his head not as a punishment but a reminder. I don’t think he ever slammed the door again.

It was a little different approach to parenting, it was repetition to help him remember and it worked. The reward box was filled with the latest little collectables which were Pogs. Does anyone remember Pogs? There was a zillion different designs and the were cheap. Now of course the “slammer” took a little accumulating to earn. All three children loved earning a trip to the reward box. Sometimes the rewards were trips for Ice Cream without their siblings, sometimes it was a new Hula Hoop and sometimes it was a small item like a Pog, eraser, rings, sticker, plastic animal, baseball cards, American Girl Cards, etc.

This took a lot of time on my part but the results were great! One of my daughter has actually drawn a chart for her son and it has helped his behavior. At 3 he gets special treats like a visit to the playground, the zoo, etc. The charts naturally get more specific as they got older. Trash, load the dishwasher, vacuum, mow the grass, etc.

Putting the emphasis on encouraging good behavior with positive rewards gave us the results that we were looking for. I’m not saying that they were perfect, not at all but a lot of times they self corrected themselves. It became a game and games are fun, games are competitive so who can get the most stars became a challenge.

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could give adult children reward charts? What are some things you could add? I’d need 2 different charts, one for my recovering addict and one for my other two children. Funny thing is I think I’d still have “empty the dishwasher” and “pick up your clothes”. I guess sometimes things really don’t change.

Addiction, Holidays & Families