Sometimes I feel as though I’m talking to a 2 year old. When I say no I cannot do that, I cannot help you with that, I’m not giving you money, I am so tired of been badgered and made to feel guilty. Why can’t he just understand that I am saying No?

Now it is all about money. I need money for gas, I need money for milk, I need money for diapers, I need money for restitution……… Well guess what? I need money too. I need to pay my bills. Get a job and work for your money. It seems as though so many people my sons age, addict or not, feel entitled. Of course there are many that work very hard to take care of their families and to help those less fortunate. But I have seen a segment that believes everything should be handed to them on a silver platter.

My son doesn’t understand that I truly cannot give him gas money, I need to pay for my own gas. I need to pay for my own milk. No matter what we say the phone calls and texts keep coming. Each time will be a little different and he’s always tried this or that to get the money. It’s always someone else fault that he doesn’t have any money. Then there’s the guilt he tries to place on us. Don’t you want the kids to have dinner? I don’t have any diapers left. Mom I don’t know what to do. Mom can you help me?

I have to say that when he uses the kids it gets to me. Do I want them to have food on the table? Do I want my granddaughter to have diapers? How could I be human if I didn’t want to be sure that their basic needs were being met? But the fact remains – I have a job and I pay my bills, I do not have a job to pay someone else’s bills. There is no reason that he can’t get a job, any job. There is no reason his fiance can’t get a job even if she is pregnant. For him to use that excuse is like a slap in the face. I worked until 2 weeks before I delivered my 3 children.

But I still find it heart wrenching when I think about the kids. I want to help, but it’s hurting me. I will buy groceries and diapers. I was away and he called me 5 times begging for me to buy diapers for him and have them waiting at customer service. Even when I’m away and should be able to relax, I can’t. Sometimes I just need a mental health vacation.

I need him to stop asking me over and over. I need him to think about other people and their well being. I feel constant anxiety, stress and pressure. I need relief from this. I want to be excited when I get a phone call from him not get that feeling of dread that he’s calling thinking what does he want now. He always wants something.

Even though he’s in recovery he just seems lost. Yes, lost is a good word. He can’t find his own way. He wants to lean on others. He wants the easy way. He wants to be taken care of. It’s this mentality that is destroying me.

Fix the Courts