Time Flies by
Time flies by. We all know that. We see it in each and everyday. We watch our children grow and it seems like only yesterday the were toddlers. Sometimes I wonder if there was something I could have done to prevent my son’s addiction. Was there a technique I should have used in my parenting? Was I too strict? too lenient? Did I push him too hard in school? But I do know that I did my very best and each person is born with the right to choose. We taught him to be kind to others, manners, chores, empathy, religion, respect, love, and yet he threw that all away for a drug. 
It’s very frustrating not knowing that exact moment we lost him. But I do know that it wasn’t my choice.
How do I know that? I know that you cannot compare your children but you can compare their environment. You can compare their environment vs the outcome. I can say for sure that it wasn’t the environment that we provided as a family that caused my son to initially to try drugs. Once he tried them he had no more choices. Addiction is a disease and there is nothing you can do as a parent to change that. My son needed to be the one who wanted to change it. But it’s pull is so strong. Bottom line is you cannot blame yourself.
Once you understand that you aren’t to blame you need to help. Help in any way that you are able. Sometimes it can become almost a full time job but it shouldn’t be for you. You can direct, listen and stop enabling but the bulk of the work has to come from the addict themselves. They have to do this, they have to have the drive and desire to do this and that isn’t something you can do for them. 
If only it was as easy as doing it for them, but we can’t. They have to save themselves and we as their families also have to save ourselves. It’s so easy to be pulled into the darkness and feel as though the world around you is falling in on you. But we have to Walk Through the Darkness we cannot allow it to engulf us. It takes a lot of strength to do this, more than you ever realized that you had.
This is when we need support. That day when you realize that there is nothing you can do except pray and not enable is the day you’re going to need a shoulder to cry on.
I wish I could tell you that it gets easier but it doesn’t. I am always second guessing myself, my actions, my thoughts and after a while it creeps into my dreams at night. That’s when I know that I’ve let my guard down, when I need to re-establish boundaries. That’s when it helps to know that you are not alone. There are many, too many, others walking thru the dark also. We are not alone in this journey.
