What is my role as a parent? Should I always help my children no matter the cost? Should I always turn the other cheek? Should I give without the expectation of anything in return?

I am constantly in conflict with myself. I want to help even if it costs me everything. I would give my last dollar to my child but should I? When I became a parent my childs needs were simple. Food, clean diapers and snuggling were all I needed to give. I wanted to always take care of them, afterall I created them so isn’t that my job?

The problem comes when I don’t know if my child is even telling me the truth. How do I know that anything anyone says is the truth? How do I say that I believe you when I’ve been lied to so many times before? But what if this time, what if it’s really the truth and I don’t help?

I think about one night in particular when I was sitting up because my son kept calling me. He needed me. He needed money. And then the big thing….. he said he couldn’t live like this any more so he was going to kill himself. Then he hung up. What was I supposed to do? I didn’t even know where he was. What if he really did kill himself? It would be my fault for telling him he couldn’t come home. My daughter was on the phone with me, my mother was on the phone with me, my husband said it is just another head game but what if it wasn’t!! An addict knows how to get what he wants and will do whatever they need to do to get it. It doesn’t matter what it does to anyone else.

About a hour later he called back. I asked him where he was and told him I was coming to get him. He sounded pleased, so I can come home he said? No I said, I will pick you up and take you to a rehab center where they can help you. He told me no don’t bother I’ll be fine.

Life for him is always desperate. There is always a new life altering emergency happening that we should bail him out of. What he doesn’t understand is that we also have life altering emergencies. Our problems are our problems and his problems are our problems and that isn’t fair. That isn’t what being a parent is. But he continues over and over, he just doesn’t stop. His needs are more important than anyone else’s needs. We have all seen this and I thought when he was in recovery that this would get better. It hasn’t.

So what can I do to change that? How many times can I say no? How many times can I say I’m sorry but I can’t help? When will he understand the devastation he has already caused in our family? When will he understand we have given more than we are able? I don’t think that it will ever happen. I want to help but I want to help someone who is helping himself.

Watch what you say