From the beginning
My son was in high school when he began experimenting with marijuana. Both my husband and I thought it was normal experimentation, nothing to worry about. Then we received a call from a local police station asking us to come in to pick up our son. He had been out with friends, was pulled over and marijuana was found in the car. He was charged with possession with the intent to distribute. He called to juvenile court and was given probation with the opportunity to have his record expunged if he stayed clean and attended mandatory meetings with his probation officer. I even found out that the probation officer had an office in our High School. This was only the beginning of eye opening revelations to come.
My son continued being a good student, certainly not performing up to his potential but holding a B/C average. He scored high on his SAT’s and after an interview with admissions was accepted at a prestigious private college. We were so proud of him and the opportunities he had. Then mid semester we received a call from the college that a parent meeting was requested. Our son had been selling drugs on campus to increase his spending money, as well as using. We were devastated. Moving him out was far from the excitement and the pride we had just a few short months before.
He came home and seemed very remorseful, determined to clean himself up and return to school the following Fall semester. That never happened.
When his girlfriend went away over Christmas with her family, he and a friend broke into their home and stole money, personal items and 2 cars. How did my beautiful baby boy with the curly blond hair, who played soccer and baseball, who was in the Jazz Band, who had every opportunity afforded to him, was raised in a suburban middle class neighborhood and attended one of the top High Schools in the state end up like this? We were a happy family and this doesn’t happen to happy families, or so I thought.
His sister and friends were pulled over and pulled out of their car to search the car for him. Police came to our home to search for him. Kids at the High School were pointing at and talking behind our daughters back. Life became so hard so quickly.
He finally contacted us. We hired a criminal defense lawyer for our son. Negotiations were made for him to turn himself in. He would be able to come home to see us before he was taken into custody and would then leave with his lawyer to go to the police station. My heart was broken, I was sobbing uncontrollably. How would I survive? How many years would he spend in prison? This was my baby! I had never felt such heartache as hugging him goodbye. Criminal Defense lawyers are very expensive. We wiped out every bit of savings we had and then some. His pictures made the newspaper making it even harder on his sisters. It’s one thing if the attention had all been on me but not on these two girls. People can be very cruel and judgemental. It’s something I vowed never to do. If this could happen to us then it could happen to anyone. He was released on bail but we didn’t see him, he went directly to a rehab facility. Police continued coming to our home to search for things. Our life was a nightmare but we had to keep going not only for ourselves but for our daughters.
After 4 weeks he was released from rehab and it was only through contact with his lawyer that we knew he was ok, when his court dates were and of course how much we needed to pay. After a month he started to stop home to see us. He seemed to be doing better. Finally in June of that year the sentencing hearing was scheduled. The lawyer had gotten 16 felonies knocked down to 2. But the sentencing could still go either way. My husband and I both decided that we were not going to allow the girls to attend. We did not want them to see him being removed from the courtroom in handcuffs. I was asked to speak on behalf of my son. It was the first of many times I’ve had to do this. Writing what I planned to say in front of the judge and a courtroom full of people didn’t really take me too long. I was convinced that he was doing better, I knew that there needed to be consequences but I asked for the opportunity for my son to continue to improve and be a contributing member of society. I had seen glimpses of my beautiful boy returning and hoped that he had a chance.
The sun was shining that day in June. Our son was given probation, community service and had to pay restitution of $16,000.
